The Twilight Saga 3: Eclipse Chapter 22. FIRE AND ICE

THE WIND SHOOK THE TENT AGAIN, AND I SHOOK WITH IT.The temperature was dropping. I could bump it by the down bag, through my jacket. I was fully dressed, my hiking boots still laced into place. It didnt make either difference. How could it be so mothy? How could it exert getting colder? It had to nooky show up sometime, didnt it?W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it? I forced the volumes through my rattling teeth.Two, Edward resolutenessed.Edward sat as far from me as possible in the cramped place, afraid to unconstipated so breathe on me when I was already so cold. It was too dark to see his face, except his utter was wild with worry, indecision, and frustration.Maybe . . .No, Im f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r- unfeignedly. I dont w-w-w-want to g-go appear berth.Hed tried to babble out me into making a ramble for it a dozen times already, that I was terrified of leaving my shelter. If it was this cold in here, protected from the raging wrick, I could imagine how bad it would be if we were running through it.And it would waste every(prenominal) our efforts this afternoon. Would we have complete time to reset ourselves when the storm was everywhere? What if it didnt end? It do no sense to move now. I could shiver my way through one night.I was worried that the trail I had laid would be lost, b atomic number 18ly he promised that it would still be plain to the coming monsters.What send packing I do? he almost begged.I just shook my head.Out in the snow, Jacob whined unhappily.G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere, I ordered, again.Hes just worried close to you, Edward translated. Hes fine. His body is equipped to deal with this.H-h-h-h-h-h. I wanted to say that he should still leave, but I couldnt get it past my teeth. I just just about bit my tongue off seek. At least Jacob did seem to be well equipped for the snow, advance til now than the others in his pack with his thicker, longer, shaggy russet fur. I wondered why that was.Jacob whimpered, a high-pi tched, grating sound of complaint.What do you want me to do? Edward growled, too anxious to lambaste with politeness anymore. Carry her through that? I dont see you making yourself useful. Why dont you go fetch a space heater or something?Im ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay, I protested. resolve from Edwards groan and the muted growl outside the tent, I hadnt convinced anyone. The wind rocked the tent roughly, and I shuddered in harmony with it.A sudden howl ripped through the roar of the wind, and I covered my ears against the noise. Edward scowled.That was hardly necessary, he muttered. And thats the worst idea Ive ever heard, he called more chinchyly.Better than anything youve come up with, Jacob answered, his military man constituent startling me. Go fetch a space heater, he grumbled. Im not a St. Bernard.I heard the sound of the zipper around the tent admission pulling swiftly down.Jacob slid through the smallest opening he could manage, date the arctic air f showtimeed in around him, a few flecks of snow falling to the ditch of the tent. I shivered so hard it was a convulsion.I dont alike(p) this, Edward hissed as Jake zipped the tent door shut. Just give her the coat and get out.My eyes were modify enough to see shapes Jacob was carrying the parka that had been hanging on a tree next to the tent.I tried to ask what they were talking most, but all that came out of my mouth was, W-w-w-w-w-w, as the shivering make me stutter uncontrollably.The parkas for tomorrow shes too cold to tippy it up by herself. Its frozen. He dropped it by the door. You said she undeniable a space heater, and here I am. Jacob held his armor as wide as the tent allowed. As usual, when hed been running around as a wolf, hed entirely thrown on the b atomic number 18 essentials just a pair of sweats, no shirt, no shoes.J-J-J-J-Jake, youll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze, I tried to complain. non me, he said cheerfully. I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. Ill have you sweating i n no time.Edward snarled, but Jacob didnt even look at him. Instead, he crawled to my side and started unzipping my quiescence bag.Edwards fall out was suddenly hard on his shoulder, restraining, snow white against the dark skin. Jacobs jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring, his body recoiling from the cold touch. The long muscles in his arms flexed automatically.Get your hand off of me, he growled through his teeth.Keep your hands off of her, Edward answered blackly.D-d-d-dont f-f-f-f-fight, I pleaded. Another tremor rocked through me. It felt like my teeth were going to shatter, they were slamming unneurotic so hard.Im sure shell thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off, Jacob snapped.Edward hesitated, then his hand fell away and he slid back to his position in the corner.His voice was flat and frightening. Watch yourself.Jacob chuckled.Scoot over, Bella, he said, zipping the quiescency bag open farther.I stared at him in outrage. No wonder Edward was reacting th is way.N-n-n-n-n, I tried to protest.Dont be stupid, he said, exasperated. Dont you like having ten toes?He crammed his body into the nonexistent space, forcing the zipper up behind himself.And then I couldnt object I didnt want to anymore. He was so warm. His arms constricted around me, holding me snugly against his bare chest. The heat was irresistible, like air after being underwater for too long. He cringed when I pressed my icy fingers eagerly against his skin.Jeez, youre freezing, Bella, he complained.S-s-s-s-sorry, I stuttered.Try to relax, he suggested as another shiver rippled through me violently. Youll be warm in a minute. Of physique, youd warm up faster if you took your clothes off.Edward growled sharply.Thats just a simple fact, Jacob defended himself. Survival one-oh-one.C-c- apologise it out, Jake, I said angrily, though my body refused to even try to pull away from him. N-n-n- nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes.Dont worry about the bloodsucker, Jacob s uggested, and his tone was smug. Hes just jealous.Of course I am. Edwards voice was velvet-textured again, under control, a musical murmur in the darkness. You dont have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what youre doing for her, mongrel.Those are the breaks, Jacob said lightly, but then his tone soured. At least you know she wishes it was you.True, Edward agreed.The shuddering slowed, became bearable while they wrangled.There, Jacob said, pleased. Feeling break off?I was finally able to speak clearly. Yes.Your lips are still blue, he mused. Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask.Edward sighed heavily.Behave yourself, I muttered, pressing my face against his shoulder. He flinched again when my cold skin touched his, and I smiled with slightly vindictive satisfaction.It was already warm and snug inside the sleeping bag. Jacobs body heat seemed to radiate from e rattling side maybe because there was so much of him. I kicked my boots off, and pushed m y toes against his legs. He jumped slightly, and then leaned his head down to press his hot cheek against my numb ear.I discover that Jacobs skin had a woodsy, musky scent it fit the setting, here in the middle of the forest. It was nice. I wondered if the Cullens and the Quileutes werent just playing up that whole odor surface because of their prejudices. Everyone smelled fine to me.The storm howled like an animal attacking the tent, but it didnt worry me now. Jacob was out of the cold, and so was I. Plus, I was simply too exhausted to worry about anything tired from just staying awake so late, and aching from the muscle spasms. My body relaxed slowly as I thawed, piece by frozen piece, and then rancid limp.Jake? I mumbled sleepily. Can I ask you something? Im not trying to be a jerk or anything, Im honestly curious. They were the same words hed used in my kitchen . . . how long ago was it now?Sure, he chuckled, remembering.Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You do nt have to answer if Im being rude. I didnt know the rules for etiquette as they applied to werewolf culture.Because my hair is longer, he said, amused my question hadnt offended him, at least. He shook his head so that his unkempt hair pornographic out to his chin now tickled my cheek.Oh. I was surprised, but it made sense. So that was why theyd all cropped their hair in the beginning, when they joined the pack. Then why dont you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?He didnt answer right away this time, and Edward laughed under his breath.Sorry, I said, pausing to yawn. I didnt mean to pry. You dont have to tell me.Jacob made an annoyed sound. Oh, hell tell you anyway, so I cogency as well. . . . I was growing my hair out because . . . it seemed like you liked it better long.Oh. I felt awkward. I, er, like it twain ways, Jake. You dont need to be . . . inconvenienced.He shrugged. Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so dont worry about it.I didnt have anything else to say. A s the lock lengthened, my eyelids drooped and shut, and my breathing grew slower, more even.Thats right, honey, go to sleep, Jacob whispered.I sighed, content, already half-unconscious.Seth is here, Edward muttered to Jacob, and I suddenly understood the point of the howling.Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you.Edward didnt answer, but I groaned groggily. Stop it, I muttered.It was quiet then, inside at least. Outside, the wind shrieked diabolically through the trees. The shimmying of the tent made it hard to sleep. The poles would suddenly jerk and quiver, pulling me back from the edge of unconsciousness each time I was close to slip under. I felt so bad for the wolf, the boy that was stuck outside in the snow.My genius wandered as I waited for sleep to find me. This warm little space made me think of the early days with Jacob, and I remembered how it used to be when he was my replacement sun, the warmth that made my empty life livable. It had been a while since Id horizon of Jake that way, but here he was, warming me again.Please Edward hissed. Do you mindWhat? Jacob whispered back, his tone surprised.Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts? Edwards low whisper was furious.No one said you had to listen, Jacob muttered, defiant, yet still embarrassed. Get out of my head.I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. Its like youre shouting them at me.Ill try to keep it down, Jacob whispered sarcastically.There was a brief moment of silence.Yes, Edward answered an unspoken thought in a murmur so low I barely made it out. Im jealous of that, too.I figured it was like that, Jacob whispered smugly. Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesnt it?Edward chuckled. In your dreams.You know, she could still change her mind, Jacob taunted him. Considering all the things I could do with her that you cant. At least, not without killing her, that is.Go to sleep, Jacob, Edward murmured. Youre starting to get on my nerves.I think I will. Im really very comfortable.Edward didnt answer.I was too far gone to ask them to stop talking about me like I wasnt there. The conference had taken on a dreamlike quality to me, and I wasnt sure I was really awake.Maybe I would, Edward said after a moment, respond a question I hadnt heard. that would you be honest?You can always ask and see. Edwards tone made me wonder if I was missing out on a joke.Well, you see inside my head let me see inside yours tonight, its only fair, Jacob said.Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?The jealousy . . . it has to be eating at you. You cant be as sure of yourself as you seem. Un slight you have no emotions at all.Of course it is, Edward agreed, no longer amused. rightly now its so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, its even worse when shes away from me, with you, and I cant see her.Do you think about it all the time? Jacob whispered. Does it make it hard to concentrate when shes not with you?Yes and no, Edward said he seemed determined to answer honestly. My mind doesnt work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that Im always able to think of you, always able to wonder if thats where her mind is, when shes quiet and thoughtful.They were both still for a minute.Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often, Edward murmured in response to Jacobs thoughts. More often than I like. She worries that youre unhappy. Not that you dont know that. Not that you dont use that.I have to use whatever I can, Jacob muttered. Im not working with your advantages advantages like her knowing shes in love with you.That encourages, Edward agreed in a mild tone.Jacob was defiant. Shes in love with me, too, you know.Edward didnt answer.Jacob sighed. plainly she doesnt know it.I cant tell you if youre right.Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what shes thinking, too?Yes . . . and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, Id rather she was happy.The wind ripped around the tent, shaking it like an earthquake. Jacobs arms tightened around me protectively.Thank you, Edward whispered. Odd as this might sound, I suppose Im glad youre here, Jacob.You mean, as much as Id love to kill you, Im glad shes warm, right?Its an uncomfortable truce, isnt it?Jacobs whisper was suddenly smug. I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am.Im not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesnt help your case, you know.You have more patience than I do.I should. Ive had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for her.So . . . at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. Its not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the . . . less(prenominal) civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I cant be sure.I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you.Edward didnt answer right away. That was a part of it, he finally admitted. But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that shed hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After Id veritable that she was more or less safe with you as safe as Bella ever is it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes.Jacob sighed. Id tell her all of this, but shed neer believe me.I know. It sounded like Edward was smiling.You think you know everything, Jacob muttered.I dont know the future, Edward said, his voice suddenly unsure.There was a long pause.What would you do if she changed her mind? Jacob asked.I dont know that either.Jacob chuckled quietly. Would you try to kill me? Sarcastic again, as if doubting Edwards ability to do it.No.Why not? Jacobs tone was still jeering.Do you really thi nk I would hurt her that way?Jacob hesitated for a second, and then sighed. Yeah, youre right. I know thats right. But sometimes . . .Sometimes its an intriguing idea.Jacob pressed his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laugher. Exactly, he eventually agreed.What a strange dream this was. I wondered if it was the relentless wind that made me imagine all the whispering. Only the wind was screaming rather than whispering . . .What is it like? Losing her? Jacob asked after a quiet moment, and there was no hint of humor in his suddenly hoarse voice. When you thought that youd lost her forever? How did you . . . cope?Thats very difficult for me to talk about.Jacob waited.There were two different times that I thought that. Edward spoke each word just a little slower than normal. The first time, when I thought I could leave her . . . that was . . . almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadnt touched her life. For over six months I was able to s tay away, to keep my promise that I wouldnt interfere again. It was getting close I was engagement but I knew I wasnt going to win I would have come back . . . just to check on her. Thats what I would have told myself, anyway. And if Id give her reasonably happy . . . I like to think that I could have gone away again.But she wasnt happy. And I would have stayed. Thats how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were enquire about that before, what could possibly motivate me . . . what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but shes right. Ill never be able to make up for that, but Ill never stop trying anyway.Jacob didnt respond for a moment, listening to the storm or digesting what hed heard, I didnt know which.And the other time when you thought she was dead? Jacob whispered roughly.Yes. Edward answered a different ques tion. It will probably feel like that to you, wont it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore. But thats who shell be.Thats not what I asked.Edwards voice came back fast and hard. I cant tell you how it felt. There arent words.Jacobs arms flexed around me.But you left because you didnt want to make her a bloodsucker. You want her to be human.Edward spoke slowly. Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didnt feel as strongly for me if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a . . . living stone hard and cold. Thats true. We are set the way we are, and it is very antiquated for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. Theres no going back. . . .The second alternative, the one Id origina lly chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasnt a good survival for her, to waste her life with someone who couldnt be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years it would seem like a very, very short time to me. . . . But then it proved much too dangerous for her to digest in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us . . . waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldnt get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didnt work, and it very nearly killed us both.What do I have left but the fourth option? Its what she wants at least, she thinks she does. Ive been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but shes very . . . stubborn. You know that. Ill be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September. . . .I like option one, Jacob muttered.Edward didnt respond.You know exactly how much I hate to accept this, Jacob whispered slowly, but I can see that you do love her . . . in your way. I cant argue with that anymore.Given that, I dont think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think theres a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadnt jumped off a cliff in March . . . and if youd waited another six months to check on her. . . . Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan.Edward chuckled. Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan.Yeah. Jake sighed. But . . . , suddenly he was whispering so fast the words got tangled, give me a year, bl Edward. I really think I could make her happy. Shes stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but shes capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Rene, and she could grow up, and have kids and . . . be Bella.You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks youre very unselfish . . . are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?I have considered it, Edward answered quietly. In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and youre strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You have done that already, and Ill owe you for that for as long as I live forever whichever comes first. . . .I even asked Alice if she could see that see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldnt, of course. She cant see you, and then Bellas sure of her course, for now.But Im not stupid enoug h to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I wont try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, Im here.And if she were to decide that she wanted me? Jacob challenged. Okay, its a long shot, Ill give you that.I would let her go.Just like that?In the sense that Id never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, you might leave her someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldnt have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen.Jacob snorted quietly. Well, youve been much more honest than I had any right to expect . . . Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head.As I said, Im feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do. . . . You know, Jacob, if it werent for the fact that were natural enemies and that youre also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.Maybe . . . if you werent a smutty vampire who was planning t o suck out the life of the girl I love . . . well, no, not even then.Edward chuckled.Can I ask you something? Edward said after a moment.Why would you have to ask?I can only hear if you think of it. Its just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife . . . ?What about it?Edward didnt answer, listening to the story in Jacobs head. I heard his low hiss in the darkness.What? Jacob demanded again.Of course, Edward seethed. Of course I rather wish your elders had kept that story to themselves, Jacob.You dont like the leeches being painted as the bad guys? Jacob mocked. You know, they are. Then and now.I really couldnt care less about that part. Cant you guess which character Bella would identify with?It took Jacob a minute. Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point.She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it. He sighed. That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. Shes quit e inventive when she wants something.You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did.Neither side meant any harm, Edward whispered, peace-making now.And when does this little truce end? Jacob asked. First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?There was a pause as they both considered.First light, they whispered together, and then laughed quietly.Sleep well, Jacob, Edward murmured. Enjoy the moment.It was quiet again, and the tent held still for a few minutes. The wind seemed to have decided that it wasnt going to throw off us after all, and was giving up the fight.Edward groaned softly. I didnt mean that quite so literally.Sorry, Jacob whispered. You could leave, you know give us a little privacy.Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob? Edward offered.You could try, Jacob said, unconcerned. It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldnt it?Dont tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isnt that perfect.Jacob whispered a laugh. Id rather not move just now, if you dont mind.Edward started humming to himself, louder than usual trying to drown out Jacobs thoughts, I assumed. But it was my lullaby he hummed, and, despite my growing discomfort with this whispered dream, I sank deeper into unconsciousness . . . into other dreams that made better sense. . . .